Self-Control
Mature - Part 3
October 19, 2025
“A person who does not control his temper is like a city whose wall is broken down.” Proverbs 25:28 (CSB)
In Hebrew, the phrase for “control his temper” → “set a gate on your spirit.”
“16I say, then, walk by the Spirit and you will certainly not carry out the desire of the flesh. 17For the flesh desires what is against the Spirit, and the Spirit desires what is against the flesh; these are opposed to each other, so that you don’t do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, 20idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, 21envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. I am warning you about these things—as I warned you before—that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Galatians 5:16-21 (CSB)
“22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23 (CSB)
Self-control → (enkráteia) “power within”
Biblical self-control isn’t about suppressing emotion but surrendering reaction—allowing the Spirit to align what’s happening in you with what God’s doing through you.
Self-control is when the Spirit stands guard at the gate your emotions want to kick open.
You don’t need more willpower; you need more Spirit power.
“14For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold as a slave under sin. 15For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not practice what I want to do, but I do what I hate. … 18For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. … 23But I see a different law in the parts of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and taking me prisoner to the law of sin in the parts of my body. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?” Romans 7:14-15, 18, 23-24 (CSB)
Four Realities of the War Within
The Struggle of the Flesh → reveals the battle inside. (v.14-15)
The Storm of Desire → when craving shouts louder than conviction. (v.15,18)
The Shortfall of Willpower → when trying harder just isn’t enough. (v.18)
The Shatter of Broken Walls → the wreckage when you try to control what only Jesus can redeem. (v.23-24)
The closer you get to Jesus, the more aware you become of the war within.
Self-control looks different for everyone, but the root’s the same: we want control more than surrender.
MEN — The Illusion of Control
Where the Walls Crack:
- Anger & Impulse — Exploding when life doesn’t bend to your expectations.
- Performance & Pride — Needing to win every argument, every deal, every game.
- Pleasure Loops — Escaping stress through screens, porn, or isolation.
- Fixing People — Controlling others instead of loving them.
Growing in Self-control:
- Confession instead of control (James 5:16)
- Accountability instead of isolation
- Solitude instead of striving
- Praying like Jesus: “Not my will, but Yours be done.”
Self-Control Diagnostic Questions:
Q1 - Where in your life are you trying to be in control instead of being under control?
Q2 - Are you fighting to fix everything around you because you’re avoiding what’s broken inside you?
WOMEN — The Pressure to Hold It All Together
Where the Walls Crack:
- Emotional Overload — Carrying everyone’s problems, then burning out.
- People-Pleasing — Saying yes out of guilt or fear.
- Perfectionism — Believing your worth is in your performance.
- Fear of Rejection — Manipulating or overextending to keep love secure.
Growing in Self-control:
- Rest in grace, not performance (Matthew 11:28-30)
- Boundaries without guilt (Proverbs 4:23)
- Trusting God with the people you can’t fix
- Remembering your worth is already settled at the cross
Self-Control Diagnostic Questions:
Q1 - Where am I saying ‘yes’ when God’s Spirit is saying ‘rest’?
Q2 - Whose expectations are you trying to meet that Jesus never asked you to carry?
You don’t have to hold it all together—Jesus already does.
You will not let God down because you’re not holding Him up.
TEENAGERS — The War of Impulse and Identity
Where the Walls Crack:
- Digital Control — Addicted to the scroll; living for likes and validation.
- Emotional Reactivity — Canceling whoever disagrees.
- Peer Approval — Changing who you are to fit the crowd.
- Fake Freedom — “You can’t tell me what to do.”
Growing in Self-control:
- Digital discipline — Sabbath from screens
- Emotional maturity — Pause → Pray → Breathe → Confess
- Mentor connection — Let godly voices shape your heart
- Identity in Christ — You don’t need control to feel confident; you need surrender to feel secure
Self-Control Diagnostic Questions:
Q1 - Who’s controlling your choices—your feelings, your friends, or your faith?
Q2 - Are you more focused on managing your image than surrendering your identity?
You don’t win this war by fighting harder; you win it by surrendering deeper.
The goal of the gospel isn’t behavior management; it’s heart transformation.
“24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with my mind I myself am serving the law of God, but with my flesh, the law of sin.” Romans 7:24-25 (CSB)
Romans 7 ends with desperation. Romans 8 begins with deliverance.
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 (CSB)
“The battle to conform his heart to the law was a battle he couldn’t win. That drove him to look to the gospel, where he discovered a battle he couldn’t lose.” - J.D. Greear
- Build your wall → Prayer. Confession. Community.
- Guard your gate → Invite the Spirit before you react.
- Keep Surrendering → Daily surrender beats daily striving.
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